"I'm Falling Out of
Love"
When Nancy’s parents were going through their
divorce after twenty years of marriage, the movie Kramer vs Kramer was released. Nancy encouraged her Dad to see this
movie that portrays the ravaging impact of divorce especially on children. John told her that “she just didn’t
understand.” There were some deep-seated
issues in play, involving inheritances, emotional immaturity, lack of
appreciation, and general selfishness.
And it’s possible that the divorce may have happened even if John had
not found a mistress. But what is
beyond all dispute is the ugly effect that divorce has
to everyone, especially the children. I
questioned myself as to whether I should even include this next section but
rather let bygones be bygones. But
having seen the Streep-Hoffman movie again recently,
I am resolved as never before to include it.
There will be reasons why you find
yourself falling in love. If you ever
find yourself falling out of love, my most heart-felt suggestion is to
re-discover those reasons why you fell in love in the first place. Nancy and I married in our middle thirties
when we had established routines that worked for us. It hasn’t always been easy to find a middle
ground, and there have been times when we have argued, sometimes long and
loudly. But if there is one thing we
have going for us, it is that when we fight we fight fairly and can talk things
out. A teacher once told me that I was
“very dumb but very verbal”—and perhaps that’s my saving grace. On our
honeymoon a couple that had been married for 50 years remarked that “Nancy is not just a good
conversationalist but also a good listener” and said that we would someday
celebrate 50 years of marriage. We both
have strong communication skills and enjoy or Saturday morning pillow chats
that let us translate frustrations into words and words into solutions. For us, divorce isn’t an option.
