Ralph Waldo Emerson opens his essay Compensation by recounting a sermon he
heard. “The preacher, a man esteemed for
his orthodoxy, unfolded in the ordinary manner the doctrine of the Last
Judgment. He assumed that judgment is
not executed in this world, that the wicked are successful, that the good are
miserable, and then urged from reason and from Scripture a compensation to be
made to both parties in the next life.”
Emerson writes that the fallacy of this doctrine is to “the immense
concession that the bad are successful, that justice is not done now.” He then builds the case that the thief
steals from himself, the cheater cheats himself, and that “every secret is
told, every crime is punished, every virtue rewarded, every wrong redressed, in
silence and certainty. Treat men as pawns and ninepins, and you shall suffer as
well as they. If you leave out their
heart, you shall lose your own heart.”
And we will reap what we sow in how we treat our little ones. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree, and
sometimes the twig is bent until it breaks.
So many grow up yearning for a gentle look, a gentle word, a gentle
touch, a gentleness that only their parents can give. For without that nourishing tenderness, they
mature with spirits that are as hard and as stunted and as twisted as a desert
tree.
At Ivyland
every year before school began, we would drive to the local town of
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.
If children live with shame, they learn to be guilty.
If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love
in the world.
We live in an affluent community, and
Nancy and I have an ongoing dialogue as to how much and what we should give our
children. But we feel such kids are
often spoiled not by their toys, but by parents who are too busy to pay much
attention to them. They’re spoiled by being ignored too much or by harshness,
not by kindness. Some day, dear
children, you will have children, and upon you will be visited all the
unrequited obligations of parenting— the tantrums, the ear infections, the
screams in the dark of the night. Doors
to untold opportunities and pleasures will open for you. To you I say go through those doors with
alacrity. I recall the words from a card
I got from Ken and Maybeth Gray when I graduated from
high school in 1973:
Nothing ventured, nothing gained,
Be not afraid to try
So dream great dreams, reach for stars
But keep your standards high!
Yes,
reach for the stars! Get out of the
desert scrub and ride into the high country where you can see forever and dream
your great dreams! “The earth shall be
yours,” the Psalmist says, “and its fullness thereof.” But, in all things, be caring and aware and
wise as you live out your life before the eyes of your spouse and
children.